Last night my husband read a quote that someone had posted on facebook. Dance with God, and the perfect man will cut in. I thought it was nice and recited it to my daughter who is 29 and struggling to find her right path in life. She has always felt that the road included a man. But every man has disappeared, leaving her shake her head in wonderment.
I didn’t give it much thought last night, but as usual it is upon waking in the early morning that things clarify themselves to me.
I realize that I had made a grave mistake in mentioning that quote to my daughter. It is no different than telling her that her knight in shining armor on his horse is coming to save her or that a frog is going to change in the a prince charming after he’s been kissed.
What kind of crazy things are we telling our girls anyway? I must have subconsciously known this when my kids were young because they weren’t books that I read to them. But it doesn’t matter… it seems that most girls/women want/need the fairytale. I married my husband because he made me laugh! I don’t recall having those dreams. Maybe that’s sad…but maybe that’s good.
But even religion does it. I never realized it until I heard that cutesy quote. I suppose that dancing with God is a good thing. He (she) probably loves music anyway. But to give the illusion that the perfect man will cut in….give me a break! First of all, it conveys the idea that a man can be perfect. Impossible. No one is. But it gives off that aroma of the superiority of men, which has been the doom of equalness for centuries. Men have acted superior to women for so long that they actually believe it themselves…how sad is that. How sad for women and how sad for men. So many woman live in fear and so many men live emotionally alone.
You would think that if a couple had God as the center of their marriage, that things would be wonderful. Well, that only works when the people involved feel equal and have pure intent. How often does that actually happen? From my accumulated knowledge, people put on a show for the outside world and act terrible at home. As I’ve said to my children countless times…how you act at home is who you really are.
Here is a synopsis of another silly demeaning fairytale…this one is Italian…How the Devil Married 3 Sisters.
Once, the devil decided to marry. He prepared a house, disguised himself as a fine gentleman, and wooed in a family with three daughters.The oldest agreed to marry him. When he took her home, he forbade her to look in a door, but as soon as he left, she did so, and hellfire in the door singed the flowers she wore. She could not hide what had happened, so the devil said her curiosity would be satisfied, and threw her into hell. A few months later, he wooed the second daughter, but the same fate befell her as her sister.
When he came to woo the youngest daughter she thought he had murdered her sisters, but the match was so good, she would try to do better. She put her flowers in water before she opened the door, and realized that she was married to the devil. She pulled her two sisters out and hid them. The devil, reassured when he saw her flowers still blooming, came to love her.
She asked him to carry three chests to her parents, without putting them down on the way, and he agreed. Whenever he hesitated, thinking she could not see him, the sister she had smuggled inside shouted,”Don’t put it down; I see you!” When the third chest went, with her inside, she put a dummy on the balcony to appear to watch him. He returned and discovered it was only a dummy, but when he went to her house, he found that all three of his wives were alive, and the thought of three at once made him flee.
Since then, he has not wanted to marry.
Hmmmm?? As in most marriages, the woman has to outsmart the man to get what she wants Check out a bunch of fairy tales…